so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize