oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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