I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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