awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
