I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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