yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
