Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
