Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
