mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
