all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
