Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So much rum. So many feels.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
