I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize