you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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