I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize