I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
