i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
