Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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