I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
