i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
