I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
