I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
