So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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