420 ftw
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
