nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
