I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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