i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize