Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
