I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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