If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
