Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize