Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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