haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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