In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
