i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
