One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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