I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
