I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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