I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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