You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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