hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize