Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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