the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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