Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
