yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
