Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
