Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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