i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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