Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize