fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
