I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize