Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
