3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
