I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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