look no pants
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
