we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize