Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
