we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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