who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
