i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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