quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
