just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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