so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
