k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize