There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize