at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
