So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
