how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize