I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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