Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
