Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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