Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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