i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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